Read this if you feel hurt, broken or tramatised.

Let me tell you a story about what I've experienced. What alot of us have, for this story I will use the metaphor of a house to describe how we relate to our lives. This is for anyone who's ever felt hurt or violated beyond repair.

 

You live in a house that's perfect for you. It's cosy warm and comfortable, you take pride in your house. It's special because it belongs to you. One day you are bored and you decide you need to be more sociable, more open. So you decide to throw a house party. You invite everyone you know. You consider them all friends. They show up and the house is full, the music is loud and everyone seems to be having fun. All of a sudden these people start trashing your house. They think it's fun. You tell them to stop and nobody listens. They smash your windows, damage your furniture, break your kitchen wear and say horrible things about your house. Finally someone starts pouring oil and trying to set your house on fire. That's when enough is enough and you finally drive these awful people, who you thought were your friends out of your life. When they are all gone and the house is empty you are in shock. You can't believe what just happened, your house is completely trashed and you are left all alone to clean it by yourself. You feel hurt traumatised, betrayed. You feel like it's your fault. If you hadn't thrown a party and invited so many people, your house wouldn't be ruined.

You try to explain how you feel. "It can't be that bad. I'm sure you can replace the furniture" says your neighbour. Your other neighbour says "oh my god that's terrible, I don't know how you can live in that house. If that was me I would move."

Bottom line is your still living in your house. You notice that the people around you are still talking about it. "Oh my god! Did you hear what happened in that house?" They Chatter. You realise that none of these people can truly understand, what it's like to be in your shoes and be in your house. No one cares about your house as much as you do. You realise that even though your house is damaged, it is not ruined. It will take a long time to fix but you love your house and not only are you going to fix it. But you are going to renovate, to the point where your house is better that it ever was before. Your neighbours may doubt you, but you love and believe in your house and you are going to live in it, for the rest of your life.

It is easy to decide not to let anyone in, but after a while you become lonely again. Your house is looks better, but there is still some damage. Since that day you haven't really let anyone back in. No matter what you do, your house will never be exactly the same as it was before.

One day you decide that you will let a few people into your house. You take caution and let them know that they need to respect your house. They take their shoes off at the door. Everything is going fine until they accidently spill drinks on you floor. You get upset and tell them to leave while your start cleaning. "We are sorry" they tell you and they clean up their own mess. Your floor is good as new, when they leave. "Wow" you think to yourself "that's the first time someone has come to my house and cleaned up their own mess." The next day they come back with gifts. "We thought you would like a new lamp for your house" they grin. You are so excited, maybe your not alone, maybe there's people in the world, who do understand you. Who respect your house and love it almost as much as you do. They may make mistakes, but nothing is deliberate. They always find a way to fix it and make it up to you.

 

These are the type of people you are going to let in your house from now on. People who care and when they aren't around. Well, then you are just going to look after your house and enjoy it by yourself, because no one can love your house, better that you can and you can't let just anyone in. Your house is you and you are your house.

Even if it feels like your life is falling apart. You can always build yourself back up. Never accept defeat in the long term. x




 

The Need To Feel Special

One of the reasons why I started this blog was to make myself feel special. So that whoever read it, would hear what I had to say and then conclude that the best thing to do, would be to worship my awesomeness. Lol.

I'm not some sort of life expert. I just live, learn, think and research a lot on personal development. I am a 19 year old Sociology student, who has been through things, which forced me to stop and say hey. How can I help myself to have an amazing life? As well as a mind silent enough to actually enjoy it and a heart sensitive enough to actually feel it. I have learned things and I can only tell you what I know.

I know the more we learn, the more questions there are. Always. I also know that, there are people who will want to hear what I have to say.

There has been a lot of things that I have learned this year:
1) No matter what I do, I'm pretty important, since I am (literally) the number one main person in my life.

2)Not everyone has to love you, for you to be lovable. There are so many people in the world and people are soo different. Popularity isn't love, it's just being widely noticed.

3) I can keep things to myself, people don't need to know my business and I don't need to entertain everyone.

4) Everyone has the right to some privacy and I don't have to share anything that I don't want to about myself.




This realisation that I can still feel happy and not be the centre of attention, is still relatively new to me. Therefore I have been hesitant about what I post on the Internet. I guess I do fear violation and humiliation. This is why I haven't posted recently. I tend to be too much of a perfectionist when it comes to writing. So in the end I am left with Dozens of drafts and no posts. I know most of my fears probably won't even come into existence. But we all face fear, it’s normal. Sometimes fear shows us that what we are doing is worth doing. Some risks are worth taking. I try my best to control my fears in order to achieve things that are important to me. We all benefit from getting into the habit of facing our fears.



I watched 'Fault in our stars' recently. I loved it. The film made me realise that, I don't need to do something crazy. For example fly to the moon, without a space suit, in front of a crowd of cheering people. (Although that would be cool, crazy, funny and memorable at the same time.) I could live a simple quiet life (if I wanted to). That wouldn’t make me less of a person.

As a human being I'm not more or less than anyone else. As long as I know in my heart that I've done what felt important to me and met some great people along the way. Then I've done enough and I am enough. Of course I want to achieve, but that doesn't mean my self-worth should depend on it. After all life is a journey, I can't just magically appear at every destination.

There’s always people out there who can relate to some parts of you and your situation. Therefore you are truly never alone. Sometimes you just need to find these people and hear their stories. I found this cool website/ app where you can do, just that. ‘MeToo -The Experience Project’ (which I will link below this post). You can write about your experiences and opinions or just comment on other peoples. You can simply just be yourself. You will be surprised how many people feel exactly the way that you do.

Voluntary work can be fun. I have been Volunteering to gain work experience this summer and I like it. I'm having fun, helping out and meeting new people. You should try it .

Don't waste time on people who don't really like you. For real, you may need to avoid a few people. But your peace of mind is worth more than pleasing them.

Either everyone's special or no one is. So is the glass half full of half empty? I'm going to go with everyone is. Just look at human potential, look at what we can do, with our willpower. We are creators, we can practically make magic. This means we are magical, even the people who haven't noticed it yet.

So believe or at least keep your mind opened :)

Links: -

MeToo -The experience project
Site - http://www.experienceproject.com/
App - https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.kanjoya.experienceproject&hl=en

Volunteering in the UK -

https://do-it.org/

 

 x

 

How to Love Yourself Unconditionally

Love yourself based on the pure fact that you are a human being.

Many people choose to take the approach of thinking about all of their great qualities and loving themselves for those qualities. While this seems like a great idea, I prefer to take a different approach. I say love yourself just for being a human being and don't try to define who you are. Reason being because we are constantly changing. Yes most of us do maintain an individualised essence throughout our lives, but we may not know exactly what that essence is. We may think that there's some aspect of our personalities that will never ever change. But if drastic changes occur in our lives e.g. moving to a foreign country, making new friends or going though tough times. A big change in your life style or your attitude could alter the aspects of your personality that you previously thought were 'unchangeable.' In life we are meant to change and grow therefore it is better that your sense of identity is not reliant on staying the same.  

 

 

If you love yourself based on a list of qualities that 'define YOU' then you are limiting yourself by clinging onto those qualities that you call you. If you can love yourself without defining yourself then you are giving yourself the confidence and the space to grow with out 'freaking out' at some point and saying 'who am I?' 'This is totally not me!'

There is no need to try and define you because YOU already are.

By deciding to no longer define yourself, you are letting go of  what you perceive as your bad qualities and your good qualities.
This means that you can stop using your flaws as excuses for what you can and can't do ! This will give you a chance to discover new likes and hobbies plus get rid of bad habits. A chance to reinvent yourself.  

It is like the ultimate form of freedom because your evolving wants and aspirations will no longer jeopardise your sense of self. You will be whoever you want to be, whenever you want to be. You can decide what 'you' want to do in your life without assuming that you have to specify based on either what you have or what you lack. You can make decisions based on the Most Loving Action For Yourself rather than what you 'think' you would want.

Every time you look in the mirror say to yourself " I love myself " don't waste time picking apart your physical appearance because it really doesn't matter. However feel free to groom yourself  which ever way you like. Remember how you look is only for you, because you are the only person who you should want to impress.  

 

 

Don't feel like you need to compete with anyone. You should only try to go beyond your own personal best. That's the only even playing field.

 

 

 

Treat yourself like a friend that you would like you get to know better, rather than an avatar that you have to strictly model and define. Who knows? You may even surprise yourself. :)

Truly Being Yourself And Feeling Your Emotions

Many of us hide our emotions. We hide away the parts of us that we think other people won’t like. You may feel strongly towards a certain situation or cause but you are afraid to express how you feel because other people may not understand you. Emotions get a bad rep as these feelings that need to be gotten rid of and hidden away. We think emotions are there to hold us back, when really fear is the only one that can and even fear serves its own purpose. Emotions aren’t the enemy they are a part of you and help to guide you through life. You should always consider your emotions with the upmost importance.




Your emotions always communicate something to you. Ignoring them is like ignoring a crying baby. This could make you feel worse.

Does this mean that you should go around pouring out your feelings to everyone you meet?

No. But you should avoid lying about or trying to hide who you are because in doing so you are devaluing yourself. You are basically saying that your true self isn’t good enough to share with others. If they don’t like you then that’s on them. There are so many different types of people in the world that only a select few people will be able to form a deep bond with you anyway. This is true for everyone, because of the amount of energy a deep bond takes. If you change yourself to suit the majority, it will only hurt you in the long run. Besides the feeling of true friendship is a wonderful feeling.

Of course you are going to change throughout your life, barely anyone has a personality that is 100 percent set in stone. This is brilliant because you need to be flexible in order to adapt to changes throughout your life. This is also another reason why your emotions should not be over looked is because at each moment in time your feelings are probably the most accurate and authentic reflection of who you are as a person !

 

'Oh' you must be thinking 'so even when I am feeling sad, and I’m down on myself then that is who I am as a person?'

Well my answer to that question is yes. Even at your lowest points that’s you and you should accept it. Everyone has those feelings and aspects of themselves that they feel are less favourable. But why should you tell yourself how to feel. You should love yourself regardless. You should justify how you are feeling, then seek peace and from there you shall find a solution. Don’t force yourself to feel the opposite of how you are feeling because when you do you are devaluing yourself because you are abandoning yourself.

 

How would you feel if you were very upset about something and sought your closest friend for advice or comfort and they told you to ‘just be happy’? They haven’t even tried to understand you !

Now imagine 'what are you doing when you say that to yourself ?' ‘Shut up and just be happy, act like everything’s fine'. You are ‘devaluing yourself’. Do you know what is more important than convincing yourself you are a happy person? Inner Peace. A mind at war with its self can never truly be happy. 

I could definitely relate to Unikitty (from The Lego Movie) she feels she has a reputation to uphold of always being happy. However the viewer knows this is impractical and when she finally lets go at the end of the movie you are like Wow she's awesome!  

  

I used to do this to myself all the time, it was something I learnt from a young age and got worse as I became older, claiming I was 'just being positive'. Many people do this. But by doing this you are not loving yourself unconditionally. You are loving yourself based on the condition that you are only feeling half the spectrum of emotions. When you try and force yourself out of feeling the lower half you are basically abandoning yourself.




(This is a page from the Power By Rhonda Byrne)

Many of us make the mistake of disregarding our negative emotions because we don't like the way they feel. However they are just as important, if not more important than the positive ones. 


You really should value your negative emotions because these are the emotions that:

1) Inspire change

2) Help you to understand, connect and empathise with others.

3) Are the reason that you know what happiness feels like. 

If everyone was perfectly happy just the way they were, no one would do anything. Life would have no meaning.

When I feel like I have been judged by someone I just tell myself ‘they don’t know me, they don’t know my story and they don’t know who I am’.

You can’t honestly say you would be any different, if you haven’t lived that person’s life. That’s it!

Love yourself and be you. That’s all you can do and all you are meant to do. :)

 

This is a song I feel perfectly relates to this Topic...

Fear of tomorrow by Aloha From Hell : http://youtu.be/D9CLA1KWpIs